Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Confessions of a Former Social Butterfly

I have always considered myself to be a very social person. I’m as extroverted as they come, and always had plenty of friends through each stage of my life. But now here I am at 27 and while I have several really good friends, even a few best friends, I’m without a go to. What I mean by a go to is that one friend you can call up at any time to go grab a drink, get a pedi, meet for brunch on a whim, or just have over to watch something embarrassing like Pretty Little Liars with. My closest friends are spread along the east coast, but the occasional phone calls, Gchats, emails, and group texts really only get you so far. Who doesn’t want a Laverne to their Shirley? I feel like now more than ever I want that go to person.

I didn't realize how much I was missing out for many reasons, but one in particular is having a serious boyfriend. He is my best friend and with that comes a lot of time spent together. I wouldn't trade him or the time we get to spend together for the world, but I know something is missing and that’s girlfriends. We work pretty hard to not be isolated and do our own thing weekly, but at the end of the day usually most of our week is spent with each other in some capacity.

I’ve come to the fairly harsh realization that I just don’t have as many friends anymore, at least not in close proximity. I have been trying to boost my social life by reconnecting with old friends, coworkers, and anyone who may even seem like they would be interested in hanging out. These “catch ups” have been fun, but they still never turned into those blossoming friendships that occurred when you met a random girl in your dorm and she asked you if you wanted a beer. So what gives? Am I the only 27 year old without a crew? I didn’t think so since I have asked other friends and a few are in the same boat as I am. I did a little research and found a really poignant article from the New York Times on the subject. In the article, Alex Williams explores why it’s so hard to make friends after a certain age. Williams writes:

“As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends. No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now.”

While it was comforting to know that this is pretty normal for people and I could relate to becoming pickier in what you want in a friend, it just made me realize that I now have to put in effort to make friends. Ugh. Now begins my quest if you will to create meaningful, lasting friendships. I am trying fairly traditional routes to meet new people: book club, joining a ladies service organization, and setting up couple dates in the hope that I hit it off with someone’s significant other. I’m not at the point where I want go the route of Rachel Bertsche in MFW SeeksBFF, but who knows maybe I will resort to going on “friend dates.” I’m not ruling anything out at this point.

To sum it up I just want it all; the friends, the bestie, the boyfriend, the size 2 dress size… I’ll save that for another post. That sounds incredibly idealistic, but I’m still under the assumption that I can have an awesome social life and a great relationship. TBD…


  1. Replies
    1. Me too. I pretty much think it daily!

  2. I can totally relate to this! Except add a 2 year old into the mix! Then you really feel like you don't have a crew. Can't wait to hear more insight on steps you can take to make your old crew feel closer *hint hint*. :-)

    1. I can't even imagine throwing little one into the mix. Kudos. Great idea for future posts since it's something I'm actively working on.


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